Back in the west

I didn't say much about being in Portland last week because all I could think about was my trip home for the weekend. I was exuberating with excitement to go back to the nati, I feeling that I never thought I would have so strongly. That went to shit as soon as my plane landed and I got word that Kevin Schutz died. I was proud of myself for keeping my cool until I got in Michelle's car. As so as I got in the car the tears came.

I felt better when I got to Steve's, I was so excited to see him. We went out to dinner and then I went to the Victor Street to hang out with my girls for a while; I should have stayed there. After Steve and I made it most of the way through the movie Mean Girls, we decided to crash. It wasn't until I was ready to pass out that he broke up with me, *ouch*. I didn't know what to say or do so I just grabbed as much of my stuff that I could grab quickly and left in tears.

Luckily I still have my keys for the victor street house, so I dropped off my stuff and headed to Murphy's where my sister was going to meet me to make sure I was OK. I wasn't, I was devastated. I hid by the back bar until they moved us up front, letting friends buy me shots to make me feel better, it didn't work, I was just getting more upset. Michelle took me back to the Victor Street house where Jon picked me up to see if he could cheer me up.

Michelle was a little apprenhensive to let me go with Jon since she was now driving me to Minster in the a.m., as the original plan was to take Steve's jeep. I did talk to Steve for a while on the phone, against all recommendations, probably should have listened. Jon did make me feel much better with his Andrea is the coolest chick ever speeches. Thanks Jon, you're also the coolest.

Saturday while at my parent's house, I had a moment of anger when I looked at my pink and black bracelets covering my right wrist and I tried to rip one off, very unsuccessful. Michelle noticed what I was trying to do and got out the scissors. With tears forming, she cut them off and threw them away. It was almost ceremonial. To make myself feel better and to replace them I bought a really nice green bracelet from the jewelry line that Lisa sells. It was expensive but dammit I deserved it.

Saturday night I originally wanted to go out and have fun, I had been looking forward to going to the light brite festival but was nervous that's I'd run into Steve and it would be weird so Jon and I hung out at his house, I got drunk and passed out early.

Sunday I was feeling a little better and a little less worthless so I invited Steve to go out to breakfast with Sara Aaron and I. I didn't really want to see him but I thought it would be unfair for me to go out with his friends and him not be there, especially since it was Sara's last day in town before her move to New York. Once again I was proud of myself for not getting upset even though I lost most of my appetite.


So much for a fun relaxing weekend. If I thought being burnt out towards the end of last week was bad then I'm afraid how the next few day are going to be. At least I'll be back in Cincinnati Thursday night so I can hang out with friends and pull myself back together.

I made it to the airport just in time, as usual. I walked around in a daze most of the day but I was feeling better until I got to Sacramento and realized that they lost the bag that I checked that contained some important work stuff. This was just too much for one weekend. I made it to my hotel and I cried.